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Seriously, you choose booze and women over your daughters and wonder why they do not want a relationship with you? Nice job 'dad'.

Mom always said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them. This made me laugh! So true!

I hate it when I plan my day and nobody follows the script

read the script people! This so me control freak lord I am aweful.

Yes!

LOL ok i dont drink anymore and now i know my juddgment was always a bit skewed but this shit is too funny not to share. i def thought I had the answers and the no care attitude when i was buzzed

Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I'm like 'Man, my subconscious is hilarious!'

"Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I'm like 'Man, my subconscious is hilarious!'" - YOUR ECARDS - funny

Every time I start to think that people can't ALL be that stupid.... I come back to work from vacation and stand corrected.

In fact when someone starts by saying they have a stupid question, I sometimes can't bring myself to chime in with, "Now, now, no such thing." Because there are stupid questions.

Everyday I fall in love with you more ...

Free and Funny Thinking Of You Ecard: Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday, yesterday you were pretty fucking annoying.

Rubbermaid works well for this, too.

Funny Confession Ecard: Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day. this is our family in an ecard.

It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcholism and diabetes.

Funny Christmas Season Ecard: It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcholism and diabetes.

so funny! I went into a store and seriously asked the girl if they had shorts where my vagina did not hang out :) the lady laughed and said "I totally know what you mean"

Free and Funny News Ecard: I'm sorry, call me old fashioned, but I think shorts should be longer than your vagina.

Or a photo of the Executive whose bonus is based upon the tax break you are funding for his industry

For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck, the least they could do is send me a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting to hang on my fridge!

Communication is a skill to be learned  www.Heal.Energy

Funny Encouragement Ecard: I'm not arguing. I'm explaining why I'm correct.

Funny Family Ecard: If you are going to scream like that, you better be on fire with a stick in your eye.

My daughter doesn't do that shit. And parents that allow their kids to.well I will light you on fire and put a stick in your eye!

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